Bejeweled

Jewelry on women? Beautiful
Jewelry on men? Ah, No

As I walked out of my car this morning, into the medical clinic which I seem to frequent these last few months, the handsomest man held the door open as I was approaching. What makes this man beautiful? The eyes. The eyes are everything. He had really long dark lashes, curled up framing his perfectly almond shaped eyes. They were hazel, carefully enhanced by his pinstriped chocolate and blue shirt. His deep tan complimented his brunette messy hair which in turn flattered his eyes. His flirtatious cologne made him even handsomer. We walked in the same elevator, he gave me a smile, I smiled back. He turned to me, and there it was. He was wearing a quarter inch gold chain. Agghhh, major turn off. As a rational woman as I am, of course I think he's gay. Why else did he wait with the door open for me? Why else would he smile at a stranger in the elevator? And most importantly, why else would he wear a chain? Aside from wedding rings and a watch, men should never wear any other form of jewelry, unless of course their aim is to attract other bejeweled men, or if they're Italians. Under no circumstances are they attractive.

Speaking of jewelries. I lost another earing this week. Yes, I lost a Tiffany tri-circular dangles. Only if I'd kept all my singled earings, I could probably create an art piece out of them. My family likes to lavish me with expensive jewelries inexplicably, given that I've lost almost every single one of them. I've lost a 24 karat gold earing in the Pacific Ocean, a diamond encrusted Bulova watch, a quarter karat diamond stud in Dublin Bay, and a white gold diamond encrusted ring at Corona Del Mar. There would be no recognition for the other jewelries not worth mentioning (if they were worth less than $100). Lesson of the story, DON'T GIVE ME EXPENSIVE JEWELRY.